Bedward
by tangledshadows
Summary: Emmett and Jasper come up with a nickname for Bella and Edward: Bedward. Finding this particularly offensive, Bella is determined to take revenge; give 'em a taste of their own medicine. But will it be enough to restore their dignity and honour? Find out.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is my first Twilight fanfic. It's supposed to be funny and the slightest bit romantic. It's a two - shot.  
Well, Jasper and Emmett come up with this nickname: Bedward for Bella and Edward. Firstly, because it's their names and secondly it's _Bed_ward. As in about to go to bed and "be grown - ups". A mean nickname, especially in the eyes of the acclaimed Bedward. Enjoy!**

Disclaimer: If you really think I own this... you're so wrong. 

Bedward

1/2

Carlisle came in to the living room where Jasper and Emmett were playing video games. He was holding a folder of Bella's death papers.

"Jasper!" Emmett yelled. "Stop crashing into my airplane. You're hurting my health."

"Suck it up!"

"Boys…" Carlisle started.

"Emmett," Jasper growled. "Stop bashing into my helicopter. My monkey's going to fall out."

"Deal with it."

Carlisle watched the sixty-four inch screen with interest. The colours and explosions distracted him until he remembered why he was there. Patiently, he waited until Jasper had won and finished his victory chanting.

"Boys, do you know where Edward is? He needs to sign the statement on Bella's death."

Emmett rolled his eyes, quite put out by his loss. "Don't you mean Bedward?"

Carlisle raised an eyebrow, clearly confused. "What do you mean?"

"Emmett and I have decided that it takes too much time to say Bella and Edward. And since they're always together anyways, we've decided to combine their names to make it Bedward."

"And," Emmett continued, "It's funny. it's like _Bed_ward. Get it? Towards the bed? Implying…"

"I get it," Carlisle said quickly, "Alright; do you know where Bedward is?"

"Somewhere in the backyard," Emmett murmured, distracted by the game once more.

Carlisle sighed. _Never should have bought that game for them…_

The doctor walked through the expanse of the Cullen Alaskan Mansion, fingering the folder. The past couple of weeks had been hard for Bella. On graduation night, she and the Cullen family staged her death with a car accident. For the sake of a reason to leave for Alaska, they had Edward in the car with her. That night, she was bitten and they left.

But even in Alaska there are humans. The Cullen family thought that, because of Bella's aversion to blood, she'd be able to resist the craving for human blood. But the moment she woke up she sped off in search for a human. Even Edward almost didn't catch her.

That day shattered Bella's heart and Edward's. She felt that she had let him down and he thought he had ruined her life. It cut Carlisle's heart in two also. He hated it when Bella and Edward berated themselves over things that couldn't be helped.

He paused at the backdoor and leaned against the door frame. It was still summer in Alaska with day long sun and no snow. He remember last year, a couple of months after the change. Bella and Edward had been leaning against a tree and she was in his lap. She was turned into him and his arms were around her protectively. Carlisle could hear her crying.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't mean to. I disappointed you, didn't I? I'm so sorry."

Edward's face was shocked then it crumpled. "Bella, love, you didn't do anything wrong. You just followed your instinct. The important thing is you stopped."

Carlisle turned away, knowing that this wasn't the right moment to bother the couple. Bella needed reassurance that Edward was there for her even though she couldn't fight her cravings hard enough.

Now, we he looked out into the backyard, he could see Edward chasing after Bella. After her change, Bella grew decidedly more graceful but she still tripped a lot. It took Carlisle a little bit or time to realize that his son and daughter were playing tag. He sighed. They were busy having fun; he would bother them with papers tomorrow.

* * *

The next day, Bella's face was scrunched up in concentration. She sat on Edward's lap on the couch and was annihilating Emmett at their game with monkeys and airplanes and helicopters.

"Come on Bella!" Emmett whined. "Go easy on me."

She paused the game. "It's either this or arm wrestling…"

He un-paused the video game and started to annihilate Bella's monkeys with renewed vigour.

Bella turned her head when Carlisle called her and Edward from the kitchen, allowing Emmett to blow her last monkey's head off. "Ha!" Emmett cried, jumping up. "In your face! In your face!"

Bella lurched up too. "No fair! Carlisle called me. I want a rematch!"

Edward wrapped an arm around Bella's waist. "Another time Bella. We have to finish other matters."

Emmett waited until they were a relatively safe distance before calling, "Bye Bedward."

The couple stopped short. "What did you just call us?" demanded Edward.

"Bedward."

The newly christened Bedward waited for an explanation. Emmett, bless his dead heart, was only too happy to oblige. "You see, my friends," he said, adopting a congenial manner, "Jasper and I are very lazy vampires. We'll do anything to make our lives easier. So, we decided, since you two are always together anyway, we would combine your names in to one. Ergo, Bedward. And here's the rub," he continued walking over to place his arms over their shoulders. "It's funny! Do you get it? Bedward? Towards the bed? Implying…"

"We get it Emmett!" Edward said loudly.

Bella's eyes were narrowed, sending a death glare towards the older vampire. "Oh you are so done, Emmett. Stick a fork in you, you are that done."

"But Bella!" Emmett whined. "It's funny!"

"It is so not."

"Bella?" Carlisle said. "Now is not the time."

"I'm coming." She stuck a finger in Emmett's face. "You will feel my wrath."

Emmett snorted, stretching his arms, to show off his muscles.

"You will see Emmett!" Bella cried as Edward dragged her away. "I'm coming for you!"

* * *

"So it's obvious what we have to do right?" Bella demanded.

Edward looked up from _Wuthering Heights_. "Sorry, what?"

"Edward we have to do something to get back at Emmett and Jasper!"

"Why?" he asked, amused at how fired up his fiancée was.

"Why? Did you hear that nickname? Bedward. Honestly, they're such children."

"You do realize that since you're willing to sink to their level you have just called your self a child?"

"No Edward, because there is a difference." He raised a perfect eyebrow. "I have not yet done anything."

"Right. That makes perfect sense."

"Doesn't it?" Bella asked while sitting down beside him. "So what are we going to do?"

Edward opened his arms to encompass the girl. "I have an idea."

She snuggled back against him. "Oh really? Do tell, my lovely finance."

"All we have to do is beat them at their own game. What say you and I do some brainstorming on nickname for Jasper and Emmett?"

Bella nodded once and immediately started thinking. Her eyes narrowed and she twisted her lips to the side. "We could call Emmett BBQ face… No, that doesn't make sense. We could just keep telling Jasper to stop _feeling _things, but that's kind of mean. What if…? No, that's stupid."

Satisfied that she was occupied, Edward turned back to his book.

**Feel free to leave a review.  
Part two will be up right quick.**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so this took longer than I had expected but I found myself losing inspiration. But I did finish it. Oh and by the way, it's Joe Jonas. You'll figure what I'm talking about later on.

Disclaimer: see previous chapter.

* * *

Bedward

2/2

* * *

A signal passed between their eyes.

_Is everything ready?_

_Yes love_, he replied. _The plan can commence._

Bella skipped into the living room where Emmett sat, plugging in the games console.

"Hello Emmett," she cooed in a very suspicious way.

"Hi," he replied, eyes narrowed.

"Would you like to attempt to redeem yourself today? Double or nothing."

"We weren't betting, were we Bella?" Emmett asked worried. He hoped he hadn't offered up anything important – like his weights.

She sighed. "No. I was just using a figure of speech to up the incentive."

"Alright… Bedward."

If Bella could still turn red she would have. But she played it cool. The time would come for revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.

Emmett turned on the game console and chose the menu button for 'select player'. Quickly, he ran through the names to find "Emmy the Beary." But it wasn't there. _Rose, Al – ice, Edouardo, Bells, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper _and _Emily _were there though.

"Who's Emily?" he voiced out loud.

Muffling giggles, Bella replied, "Well, seeing as your profile's the only one missing… it must be you right?"

Emmett looked at her, thumb hovering over the A button. He was more than confused.

"Why don't you click on it?" Bella suggested. He did and a new screen zoomed up.

**Stats:**

_**Player**_

_Player name: Emily_

_Player age: 183_

_Win/lose ratio: 7: 2_

_**Character**_

_Character form: vampire fighter_

_Character name: bEaR_

"I don't understand," he murmured. "These are my stats but that's not my name…"

"Why don't you click the 'last changes' option?" Edward asked as he came into the room. He covered his grin with his hand as he winked at Bella.

Emmett pushed the A button again. A new screen came up and he nearly fell over from shock. "What is this?" He gasped, pointing at the screen. Bella collapsed into a fit of giggles. "It's EVIL!" he yelled.

Glowing green letters proclaimed for the world to see:

_Hello Emmett._

_Since you're so adamant about this new nickname, we decided to exact revenge on you. Your new nickname is EMILY. Here's how. Using you're logic, we combined Emmett and Rosalie to create Emaile. Which we then shortened to Emily._

_Yeah, and since we have no beef with Rose, _you're_ the one who shall be tortured with the nickname. Oh and, by the way, we've put a password lock on your profile. You can't change it. MUHAHAHA._

_Enjoy… Emily._

_Your favorite couple,  
Bedward, the couple formerly known as Bella and Edward._

Carlisle came into the living room when he heard Bella cackling. With a little grin on his face, he read the words on the screen. _This was how it used to be_, he thought. _Everything's back to normal._ "So," he said out loud, "Am I supposed to call my son Emily now?"

Even Edward burst out laughing at that.

"Oh my God," Bella cried, "yes! Please, please do. Please. That's just… amazing."

"Very well," the older vampire said. "Good bye Bella, Edward… Emily."

Emmett roared with anger.

He punched at his controller in vain trying to erase the offending message. "No!" he wailed. "Please! Enough! It _hurts_."

He picked up the console and shook it. He yanked at in violently until the power cord was pulled out of its socket. Satisfied that he would never see the message again he turned to Bella. Edward stepped in front of her protectively.

"So Bedward…" he stared at them. "What are you doing to Jasper?"

"That's for us to know and you two to find out," Bella cackled.

* * *

"Alice!"

The short girl whirled around from her flowers. "Where are you Bella?"

"Alice," the voice whispered again. "I'm up here."

The pixie looked up and there was Bella in a tree. "If you were human you would have fallen out of there by now."

Bella giggled. "But I'm not anymore am I?" Alice shook her head. "So anyway," Bella continued, "I need your help. Edward and I are trying to pull a prank on Jasper."

Unexpectedly, Alice's mouth curled into a scowl. "Oh, don't mention that name to me."

"Why?" Bella asked, jumping gracefully from the tree. "What happened?"

"That stupid video game. It's all he ever does now. And when he's not playing, it's just," – her voice dropped to imitate Jasper's – "hey Alice, I figured out some cheat codes! Isn't that great?"

The younger vampire threw an arm around the other. "Well then. I have a plan you just might be interested in being a part of."

Alice grinned as she saw the outcome of the plan in her head. "That's a pretty good plan. But it'll be hard."

"Oh come on Alice, you're a great actress. After all, aren't you pretending to be human?"

"Good point. I am so ready to do this!"

* * *

Jasper roused himself from his deep meditation. It was the closest thing to sleeping the family had. He concentrated on the auras in the house and found them all normal. Well, except for Emmett's. He was still angry and Edward and Bella – Bedward.

He closed his eyes, at peace. A wave of love washed over him and he snapped his eyes open. The auras were all the same.

_Weird_, he thought. But when another wave of love washed over him, he decided to investigate. Normally he wouldn't since everyone in the house had a significant other but this one was completely different, not the usual ones he felt.

The feeling stopped and he stopped with it. Looking around, he heard voices coming from downstairs. He peeked over the railing and saw Bella and Alice holding a magazine and giggling. Alice was looking at Bella and when she turned back to the magazine, her aura exploded with pink and the feeling came back full – force.

"He's gorgeous!" he heard Alice sigh.

"Oh I know. And his brothers, oh my god!"

"Alice?" Jasper choked out.

Her head flipped up towards him and her aura turned a calm yellow with lines of irritated red. "What?"

"What are you doing?" he asked his wife.

"None of your business," she replied acidly. "Don't you have a video game to play?"

He was about to respond when she turned back to the picture, aura pink. "What's the best part, do you think?" Alice asked Bella.

"The fact that he's in a band. That's so good. He could like, serenade you."

"Oh, that's good. But I was thinking you know, his sense of style."

"How about he can sing to you while he buys you clothes?"

Alice's eyes widened. "I'm hooked. I need him now!"

Bella grinned at her then looked back down at the magazine. "Hey, it says here that he's dating that girl from that music movie he was just in."

Alice's aura remained pink but now tendrils of red and envy green seeped through. "Can't have that now can we?"

Jasper had had enough. With unrestricted speed, he bolted down the stairs and tore the magazine from the girls' hands. "Who are you talking about?" he bellowed.

Bella's hand covered the picture. "Why? Are you Jalice?"

"What?" Jasper looked up, distracted for the moment.

"Jalice," Bella recited as if reading from a dictionary. "Noun. Bella's English. 1. A combination of the names Jasper and Alice to form a homonym of 'jealous'. 2. A word created by way of revenge of Bella, Edward and surprisingly, Alice."

"Alice?" Jasper dropped the magazine and looked at the small girl. "Why? What's happened?"

The pixie pouted and crossed her arms. "I'm angry Jazzy. All you ever do now is play that stupid game. Is there no room for me in your life now?"

"Oh Alice," he whispered, circling his arms around her. "I've only played that game to beat Emmett."

"Well Jazzy, I feel pushed away."

"I'm sorry."

Bella backed away to where she knew Edward was standing on guard in case the plan went wrong.

"Hello," he said, drawing her into his arms.

"Hey."

"So, all in all, I believe today went well."

"Me too. We got our revenge and Jalice is happy again."

Edward smiled at her use of the name. "Yes. So…"

"So?" she glanced up in confusion.

"So I thought, in honour of our new nickname…"

"Yeah?"

"I thought, since we're Bedward and all…"

"What about it?" Bella asked with squinted eyes and pursed lips.

"I thought we should go bed shopping."

"Edward!" she gasped, swatting his arms.

"Hey, hey," he replied chuckling. "Just want to keep Emily and Jalice happy!"

* * *

I'd really like reviews. Tell me what you thought! Not as funny as I thought it was? Loved it? Not enough fluff? Let me know!

Mandy


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